Maternal (Eternal) Instinct

Mom has now moved from the cold hospital and back to the cozy board and care home. Her caregivers at the board and care have been so loving to her all the years she has been there. When she came back "home" her favorite caregiver welcomed her back to the "family" and told her he had missed her. That one gesture told me in my heart that I had done the right thing bringing her back to the board and care instead of trying to move her to a skilled nursing facility. She is now considered to be in hospice care-a label I have had a hard time adjusting to because of its possible meaning. The nurse from the hospice facility assures me that some people actually move out of hospice and do not need it after a few months. I want to believe her, but every day I come to visit Mom that hope seems to move father away from me.

Nevertheless, as I sit by her bedside everyday I cannot help thinking about the role of mothers and where those feelings reside. Please excuse anything that seems philosophically, scientifically, or theologically unsound in the following musings. Maternal instinct appears to be a powerful force in nature. In humans, I feel, the innate instinct is nurtured by mothers through their modeling of the role of mother. That does not mean that women who were denied the example of their mothers cannot be good mothers, but it could be a harder task. So what is the point of all of this blather about maternal instinct? I believe that maternal instinct is entwined in the soul of each mother and does not leave until she herself breathes her last breath. I will tell you how I know this by the end of my few thoughts.

I do not recall that I had thought much about maternal instinct until I became a Catholic. As a Catholic I became fascinated with the many artistic portrayals of Mary as a mother. To me, artists throughout time had depicted Mary as the ideal mother. After all, she was entrusted with raising and nurturing Jesus the savior of the world. She never turned away from the task even though she knew his life would be a short one. She loved Him and cared for Him just as any mother would do. And like all mothers, as He grew into adulthood she continued to care for Him and worry about his welfare. Even when He died we are given a rare glimpse of what it must have been like for her. In Michelangelo's, Pieta, Mary was sculpted as the mother cradling her child in her lap. Even at that sad point in her life she could not stop being a mother. She just wanted to hold Him one final time.

And as the rest of us move through life trying to be the best mothers that we can our maternal instinct is ever present. Motherly instinct may come to life the first time we go shopping for tiny baby clothes or when we feel the movement of a child within our womb. But the instinct grows stronger with each tiny smile, tooth and birthday. When we are so tired at the end of the day we become revitalized with a gentle hug and simple "I love you." Such tiny things are the fuel for motherly instinct. When our children are grown the instinct lives in our happy memories that we can call up in our minds whenever we want. If we are blessed enough, we will have grandchildren who make us feel young and who do not think we are silly at all if we roll on the floor with them playing games.

As I said before motherly instinct is deep inside us no matter how old we get. It lives in our very heart and soul even though we may seem so sick that we are incapable of knowing what is going on around us at the time. I saw my own mother who seemed to be in a state of deep sleep caused by dementia begin to stir as she heard her great-grandchildren talk. Previously, I could not get her to awaken to my touch or voice. Suddenly she opened her eyes, looked around the room, and appeared to count each child to make sure they were were all present. She then smiled blissfully as the youngest one gently touched her hand and then she went back to sleep. There she was still acting as a mother, looking at her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren making sure that each one of them was present and accounted for in her "home." That one episode was the only documentation that I feel was necessary to prove that the power and strength of maternal instinct is able to break the bonds of dementia for a brief moment and for that one last chance to be a mother again.